Ironic.

Our lives are just put together by the bits and pieces of irony. Over and over again, the same stuff.
Finals are FINALLY over. Thank god. Maintaining my B is Math Analysis. A in English. I don't know about the others but the only one I'm screwed in is AP Euro. Fuck that class.
Tomorrows practice 8-8 then Saturdays our first competition and I'm so excited. I want to go out and relieve my never ending stress.

Read this on Grouphug.us:

"Every day we talk and we laugh and we come closer than ever before but we are both too scared to tell each other how we really feel."

[21:26] andrea was where: 9:24 prommise.
[21:26] andrea was where: kkkk, 01/29/09
[21:26] andrea was where: dayum done.

Losing Track of Time.

Or maybe just my mind.

Today was the second day of finals. I'm pretty sure I did just did decent. I'm just fucked cause I have no clue what my semester grades will bring.. The latter half of the day consisted of watching Zoey 101 and Unfabulous, watermelon flavored popcorns in 60 degree weather, reading Animal Farm, and interesting phone call with Ande. Turns out that 'poison' can only hurt you. Ha how ironic is that.

The Truth.

Is it the fact that I believe people too much, or is it just that I believe what I want to believe. Either way I always end up in a shithole south of 'screw my life'. Do the little things I do end up getting me in those situations or am I just a magnet for mischief. Either way, I don't really want to get to know anyone right now, cause south of nowhere I go.

Not Possible.

A lot of this 'Hi, bye. Five minute hug stuff' isn't working out for me.

Finals start tomorrow and I'm freaaaaking out. Took a half hour nap and started on my long ass Spanish hw. This will be exciting. Everything was super aggravating today. Maybe I'm just better off sippin apple cider and watching cheesy scary movies at home, solo.

Happy Chinese New Year.

The Hardest Decision.

Tomorrow's Chinese New Year, and my mom always seems to find the need to decorate around the house with decorations that usually last for.. let's say 2 days. Friends and family get together soon I hope, and I'll be making bank!







Today my mom and I are gonna head over to Burbank to buy dance shoes for comp. (in just 1 week!) and then I'll be at Lauren's house to study for espanol.

Why's it so hard to choose between what you should do and what you want to do
Since when does temporary satisfaction overtake priority
It's just poison, as Andrea would say.
And perhaps I'm overdosed.

Bad Tooth.

I'm pretty sure my wisdom tooth is coming out. It's that, or I have a killer cut on the back of my jaw. It hurts so much, and it's causing my head to throb -_- Two Tylenols isn't quite enough.
After school Pow Pow and I went to Popeyes to get food and had a question game where we just kept asking eachother questions until the other one was so frustrated that they had to answer, haha.

Had a grape, raisin fight in AP Euro today. Andrea totally missed Dee Dee and it hit me in the chest. Hard. Fucking Brandon stares at every little thing we do with his creepy ass crossed eyes >.<

I DON'T GET YOU. I DON'T WANT TO GET YOU. YOU MAKE ME FUCKING HAPPY THOUGH.

HIGH, I'm Fiona

I feel so light and happy, it's strange because I haven't been like this in forever.
I can't wait for comp and finals are next week. Let's do this.

Alrighty,

Confessed! Well, sorta.

A sigh of relief.

Or just a quick breath of air?

PSAT results came in today. I think I did pretty well, mm. Well at least my parents are satisfied. I won't be putting my scores up here ha cause who knows what kinda psychoasses are on here calculating my brain temperature with my scores and shit. Jeez, I tend to overreact way too much. I'm gonna be busy for the next few monthes til the end of the year. I'll be giving up all my Saturdays to drill, and Sundays to piano and homework. Official salute to my weekends :]

Bella's Lullaby has been on repeat for the past 2 and a half hours. It kind of evens out my concentration level. I happened to tell Bianca today 'I hate when people have off days'. And I really do, but I do have my PMS-shut-the-fuck-up kind of moments so I can't complain.

It's been a while couldn't you agree? And I guess I'm the man in the situation once again, facing my fears and speaking my mind. Why's it always me? And why haven't you replied?

Chocolate covered fortune cookies, mm.

Bad Habits.

My constant habit of being too caring is destroying me. Slowly but surely.

So mature,

and now I'm a bitch? Fuck that.
My life in a nutshell: Drill, alright. New partners w/ Lauren and Little Martin aka Sweaty Beast so I'm happy. Tryouts went fine except for the fact that I totally screwed up in the beginning, but made it up with my winning smile! Haha just kidding. School, grades are improving. Raised most of my grades. Is it out of the need to do well or just to satisfy my parents? Who knows. Finals are coming up. Fuckkkkk. Boys, FUCK. Friends, I love my best friends. The end. Ms. Cal this weekend, and shopping w/ madre Sunday. Other than that, going downstairs to make a healthy smoothie. Peace fuckers.

Confession,

Spent half my day reading grouphug.us, probably the most genuine and greatest thing out there. Besides that, all I did was eat, had funny convos with Ande, and do homework.
My mom made me a health drink yesterday (tomatoes, peppers, celery, & pears). It was absolutely mortifying to drink so today she just made me eat each thing as snacks separately. Much better.







I give up so fast.
I just don't want you to give up either.

Dream Crusher

I feel as if I can never have a close relationship with my Dad again.
Everytime I try to just TALK to him, he brings up school and grades. I mean really? Comeon. I'm your daughter. Can you just act like a father for once in my life.

Woke up at 7:30 for practice today. I actually really enjoyed it and I think I'm doing well. Love facials :] The game yesterday was fun too, stupido whiteo cheerleaders. So dumb 'And What?' LOL.

1. I officially disgust you. For once I dreamed that there'd be a boy that would be genuine, a sweetheart. Then I meet you and my fairytale dream came true. I now I really don't give a fuck. Ha, happy almost one year.

Gonna go call Ande, adios

Ship in a Bottle.

Back to school, oh the horror.
At least yesterday was everything I thought it to be and more.



Got my Sidekick today, yay baby.

Stranger, stranger

Holy cow. Has reality finally hit me?

If only you knew how mad I was, if only you knew how tough I try to be. I'm never one to listen to what other people say but its hard not to when there's no other truth coming out. It's always the same old story, isn't it? Never any truth, just LIES. LIES. LIES.

On the other hand, Torrance today! I'm really excited, and I'm getting a Sidekick from Julian for like 80 bikes. Yessssss.

BUT HEY! I will be fine. I'm always fine.

Just call me the Venting Queen!

[23:04] andrea was where: i feel like crying =/
[23:04] andrea was where: like idk not the same, kinda.
[23:04] OhDear Fiona: dont cry
[23:05] OhDear Fiona: youll make me cry
[23:05] OhDear Fiona: seriously
[23:05] OhDear Fiona: dont ever cry over a boy
[23:05] andrea was where:
[23:05] OhDear Fiona: ive learned that much never worth it
[23:05] andrea was where: lik idk its good!
[23:05] andrea was where: but "deep inside" wow so cheesy,
[23:05] andrea was where: idkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
[23:06] andrea was where: ionodawgiono.
[23:06] OhDear Fiona: youll be fine
[23:06] OhDear Fiona: your always fine
[23:06] OhDear Fiona: ill be fine
[23:06] OhDear Fiona: im always fine
[23:06] andrea was where: AAHAHA HOW EMO ARE WE>
[23:07] OhDear Fiona: wanna see?
[23:07] OhDear Fiona: read my last bulliten
[23:07] OhDear Fiona: LOLOL
[23:07] andrea was where: dude i wanna cuss so badly
[23:07] andrea was where: YEAH, lol.
[23:07] andrea was where: WHATEVER DAWG FUCK IT
[23:07] andrea was where: FUCK IT FUCK IT
[23:07] andrea was where: FUCK IT
[23:07] andrea was where: FUCK IT
[23:08] andrea was where: FUCK IT
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: im proud.
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: :'[
[23:08] andrea was where: HAHAH
FUCK YOU
[23:08] andrea was where: FUCK ___
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: fuck fuckfuckfufkcfuckfucck
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: fuck.
[23:08] andrea was where: FUCK MY DAD
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: fuck ___
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: fuck my dad
[23:08] OhDear Fiona: fuck felix
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: fuck everybody
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK FUCK FUCK
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK ____
[23:09] andrea was where: ahhahahahahahahahahaha
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: LMFAOOOOO
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK __ S DRAMA
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK HIS CAR
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK MY PIANO TEACHER
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MY ROOM
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK THE COLD
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK MY LIFE
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MY FAT
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK SCHOOL
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MY PHONE
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK MY SHORTASS HAIR
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK 3 WORD TEXTS
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCKIN SHIT
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK FUCK FUCK
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MY HAIR
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK MY SMALLASS PHONE
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MY DDAD
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK MY GRADES
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK ME
[23:09] andrea was where: FUCK MMYSPACE
[23:09] OhDear Fiona: FUCK ME
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCKIN SHIT
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK SAD SHIT
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCK BOYS
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK LOVE
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK SO CALLED MEN
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK CROWDS
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCK WOMEN
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK SMALL CLOTHES
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCK GRANDMAS
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK CHICKS
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: IM GONNA CRY
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK HIS MOOD SWINGS
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK HIS COLD GOODNIGHTS
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK HIS LIFE
[23:10] andrea was where: FUCK MY LIFE.
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCK HIS HUGS
[23:10] OhDear Fiona: FUCK
[23:11] andrea was where: SHITTTTT THAT FELT SO FUCKINNG GOOD.
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: FUCK HIS FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS
[23:11] andrea was where: FUCK
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: FUCK 09
[23:11] andrea was where: I NEEDED THAT FUCKING SHIT
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: FUCK SABAS TOE
[23:11] andrea was where: FUCK 08
[23:11] andrea was where: FUCK ALL THAT FUCKING SADNESS
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: THATS FUCKIN GOOD
[23:11] andrea was where: FUCK HER CRUTCHES
[23:11] andrea was where: FUCK !
[23:11] andrea was where: WHYD SHE HAVE TO BREAK THAT FUCKING SHIT
[23:11] andrea was where: WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH EVERYONE
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: AND THAT FUCKIN HOOKAH
[23:11] OhDear Fiona: FUCKIN BREAK THAT SHIT
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: I WANNA BREAK HIS HEART
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK HOOKAH
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: LIKE THAT FUCKIN HOOKAH
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK WEED
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: THAT FUCKIN FELL
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK ALCHOLO
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: FUCK NEW YEARS
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: FUCK HOLIDAYS
[23:12] andrea was where: AND HAD TO HEAR THAT SHIT;
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: FUCK SANTA
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: THAT FATASS
[23:12] OhDear Fiona: FUCK RUDOLPH
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK I WANNA DRIVE
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK IF I HAD A FUCKING CAR ID COME AND FUCKING PICK U UP
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK I WANNA CAR
[23:12] andrea was where: FUCK WHO TEXTS 3 WORDS
[23:13] andrea was where: FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: FUCK
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: MAN FUCK
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: YOU ANDREA
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: FUCK YOU
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: FOR FUCKING HAVING ME AS A FRIEND
[23:13] OhDear Fiona: ALWAYS SO FUCKING DOWN AND NEEDY
[23:14] andrea was where: fuck me for all my fuckin shit with fucking ___
[23:14] andrea was where: that fucking dick face
[23:15] OhDear Fiona: fuck it
[23:15] OhDear Fiona: fuck that you dont fucking need that
[23:15] andrea was where: fuck im fucking sorry
[23:15] andrea was where: wtf i make a big deal outta fucking nothing
[23:15] andrea was where: thats my fucking problem
[23:16] OhDear Fiona: no its fucking not
[23:16] OhDear Fiona: your fucking problem is my fucking problem
[23:17] andrea was where: now im fucking going to ihop with him
[23:17] andrea was where: wtf i dont even like fucking ihop
[23:17] OhDear Fiona: eat your fucking pancake.
[23:17] andrea was where: both of us dont, but what the fuck we are still fucking going.
[23:17] andrea was where: who the fuck is gonna pay
[23:17] andrea was where: what the fuck how fucking awkward and shit
[23:17] andrea was where: and what the fuck i hate eating in front of people
[23:18] andrea was where: eww like what the fuck!
[23:18] OhDear Fiona: just stuff the fucking shit in your mouth
[23:18] OhDear Fiona: fuck.
[23:18] andrea was where: fuck.
[23:18] andrea was where: half it or what.
[23:19] OhDear Fiona: brb
[23:19] OhDear Fiona: im gonna post it
[23:19] andrea was where: fuck
[23:19] andrea was where: i needd you bitch,
[23:19] andrea was where: fucking ho,
[23:19] andrea was where: my fucking bff .
[23:19] andrea was where: shit.

Optimism down the drain,

Positive. Think positive. In conclusion, I suck at thinking positive.
Things haven't been good lately. Family life, sucks. My dads always on my case about grades and everything. But really, I just want my parents to be proud. And I'm not doing too well about that.
But tonight we're having a family dinner at Applebee's. Maybe things will be good.

I swear.

For now and probably for a while, I'm done with boys. It's never ever worth the trouble I learned. And I guess there really isn't one guy out there. Worst part is, I don't think ANY boy will prove me wrong. Ever.
You think you know someone, but then you really don't. Not really.
All those nights, deep talks, and everything mean nothing.

09

finally, a sigh of relief. time wasted, trust gained, love. what love?, new beginning. now now, where to start?