Thump Thump.

My head hurts.
I have homework.

Fuckkk

Adios!

I'm just packing right now, lazy. But packing. Just hit up Rite Aid for last minute errands. Oh that Reese's Pieces looked so sexy right now.. Ah.

And I'm gone for 3 days! Wish for luck when we come back, pictures. Most definetily.
Have fun, be safe. Be good :]

agh

so irritating and idk why!

We Haven't Met Yet

My stomach hurts from eating so much so fast.
My left leg is sprained from splits.
My cerebral hurts from stress.
There's no time to complain right now, not now. No time.

I need to move faster and pick up my pace
I'm
slacking
and this
sucks.

I've decided to be the good person this time
the BIGGER person and not have to deal with all this shitty 'drama'
oh fuck high school, right?

3 days 3 days 3 days!
move itttttt

Update!

Friday: Practice til around 7 ish, then I watched $lumdog Millionaire by myself. All I gotta say, amazing.

Saturday: Started: 4: 30 am. Yesterday was Esperanza Competition. 3 hr practice in the morning, rude moms, bobby pins and safety pins, cute cute cute boys, meeting new people, spamasubi, baked potatoes, getting punk'd (big time), nausea, stuffy bus rude, 11:11, good hour and a half talk with Bianca, returned at 11:45. Ended: 2:30 am.

Sunday: Started out with a gross morning. Stayed home all day, hw, The City reruns and such. My mom bought me Twilight, and went out to dinner.

As you can see, I'm lazy. Goodnight!

Today's Thursday?

1. This post is for you. Haha I know your going to tell me sooner or later. Hopefully sooner!
2. I love you so much. It's irritating when you always put yourself first. I know your amazing, I know you can do anything you put your mind to.
3. It takes time to heal. I've healed a good amount, but I'm hoping that you won't anytime soon.
4. Every little thing you do just makes things worse. Can't you see that people are hurt? Not even about what happened before. I'm over that. Just that you don't care.
5. I want you to be proud of me.
6. Don't tell me lies. I can see everything, I love you too much to let you do that to yourself.
7. I'm trying my hardest. We will always be best friends.

Bye! My brother's cute little friends are sleeping over tomorrow. Yay, my pedophile-ness will come a creepin' out at night, mwahaha.

Hard to Comprehend.

Today was a chill day, no practice cause I had to get my cervical cancer shot. It's funny how I still go to the same doctor that I went to ever since I was a little girl. The only difference now is that when I get shots, I don't freak out as much. But the funny thing was that I was a big girl today, but right after I wanted to hold my dad and tell him how much it hurt. But I'm a big girl. Big girls don't go crying to their daddy after a minute of pain.. Not really.

You know what's bittersweet? Moving on. I've seen so much this past month and yet amazingly everyone seems to move on with their lives. It's like there's no empty baggage hanging on the back of your foot. I wish I could do that. Once I'm stuck, I'm really stuck. Moving on's are fine though. Just don't do the forget abouts and since whens with me. Thanks.

Homework time. Focus time.

Teeth Clenched and White Knuckles.

Happy Birthday Bianca Hechanova, forever ever and ever and ever!-

The day lasted long. The hours in between lasted even longer.-
There is nothing, nothing lonelier than waiting for a phone to ring.-
What did you mean when you promised to call and say hello?
I had to keep so much in today. You have no idea. I was biting my tongue not to show it. -
Your tricky. Way to go. I'm trickier-
Your bite marks never go away. I don't know why.-

Night-

March 16, 2009

"God doesn't it suck when you know it's not what your supposed to do but you do it anyway"


For once, I'm lost and I know I can find myself.
It's a good feeling you know, to know that you've finally got control.
Now I'm not gonna lose this chance even though I know someones out there crossing their fingers that I'll fail.
BUT I WON'T. I'M ALL SET.

Those 5 seconds,

smelled like summer.

--edit--

I'm starting an art journal. Anger, sadness, love, happiness, mixed into a collection of leafy pages.

A girl that I don't know too well said it the best the other day:
there are girls that have friends and boyfriends and smile too much without knowing why, but we are not those girls; we keep a trusted few and the rest come and go, we hold temp lovers just for the sake of breaching the gap, and when we do smile we make sure it's damn worth it.

O What a Long Ways to Go!

Such a fun Oratorical today. Unfortunately the class of 2011 has no sense of discipline, spirit, or skills of staying still! It was still fun, attempting to keep in the laughter. But we all know that just makes things worse! 100th anniversary too, Senior year we'll sweep. Chill.

After practice today Bianca, my mom, and I went to get Pho and frozen yogurt for her birthday! Which is technically on Tuesday, but we're never gonna get another chance. So we just decided to do it asap. Really fun, except those Pho workers really hate us and gave me the wrong order -.- Damn. After that my mom and I went to return something at Forever, but we didn't have the stupid receipt so they didn't let us. So I bought a shirt to fill the glory :]

Tomorrow I'm taking the SAT's just 'for fun'. Not so fun waking up at 5 in the moanin.

Emphasis isn't Enough.

I'm never one to get mad. Frustrated? Only 99.8% of the time. The other .2% I'm too busy being a little kid. Wishing and hoping when I know things won't change. Unfortunately, when I'm only left to act the way I act I do it with all my confidence. No insecurity there to back me up. You get what you get from me. Don't like it? Ok, have fun. By the way, I'm done watching out for everyone. Only gotta watch out for me, myself, and I. I'm not stupid.

Personal apology to Cynthia Ding for making you sad today. I hope that spending some extra time with you tomorrow after school will make us even closer. I love you little girl.

Grow the Fuck Up.

Everyone needs to get their shit straight before they use the Internet as their savior.
So finished with this shit, and all these rumors going around won't do you any good.

I don't change. Only you do.

Well you see,

I forgot what I had to say a long time ago.

What I've Got.

I've noticed that when the things that truly matter to you are tested, you learn whats important and whats something thats going to pass you by.

Mom, I'm sorry. You have always given me the love that I needed, and never once, no matter how mad you were at me, you never once didn't end an argument with I Love You. You are amazing. No matter how many times you deny it, you are supermom. Whether it's figuring out everything (which is for the better), or just always being there to support me with a hug. You are supermom. I'm sorry I've lost your trust once again. But I promise you, that your the most important thing to me and I will try to learn and grow. Because when all my friends and successes are gone, you're really all I've got. Love you Mom.

It's Only For The Better.

Can I learn to say no? The two letter word is just like the four lettered word 'love'. When your put in that situation, you just can't not say it. Why me, why why me. I seem to ask myself that so much lately. But it just takes time for me to learn. And grow. No matter how long it takes, I'll learn. And it's only for the better.

I just can't stand being mediocre anymore. In anything. I've waited so long and so hard for anything that'll come my way. Pish posh applesauce. Never happening. But I will keep trying. Anyways, it's only for the better.

I guess its FINALLY time to finish it. To end everything we've had and turn it into the only one thing that can truly satisfy me and everyone who cares for me. It's time to let go and the past few weeks just proved it. Letting go, letting go, letting go. It's only for the better.

I'm changing myself. Things that don't matter can just pass me by. I don't need everything, because I'm happy being the good little asian girl that I am. I'm telling myself and only myself that things will turn around. Because things always go down but I have gone through much to say that things will fall back in place. Maybe not permanently, and maybe not for my satisfaction, but I keep telling myself. Over and over again..










It's Only For The Better.

Full of Tricks.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight. Hold your head up high.