Dear You:

1. Its horrible that I don't trust you. You are the second person in the world that I should trust the most, and at times.. I don't.
2. I try so much harder. It's upsetting that things aren't the same. Will they ever be the same?
3. Things will be okay with us, I know it.
4. Wow, that sucks.
5. Your lucky that your coming back to normal instead of something close to an alternate universe!
6. Imy a lot. And that's it. Oh how things used to be, how they should be.
7. I don't really think about you much anymore. Good for me I guess, but I want to know how you're doing.
8. You can't always satisfy everyone but yourself. Love you hun.

Even When You're Old and Gray,

Today Yvonne, Cynthia, Donna, and I went to the covalescent home that Yvonne's mom worked at. It was for community service hours, but the supervisor agreed to give us like 10 times the time that we worked there. We were so upset at first, seeing the elderly, but we soon started to talk to them. I was so nervous, but we met so many that had pasts. One of them was even a millionaire jazz singer in the 40's, and now he was alone in a home that he didn't want to be in. We told them all that we'd be back, and we definetily will be.
After that, we all went shopping in Paseo. We ate a whole bunch and the heat seriously killed us. It was a fun day out with the girls. I can't wait for Minx(?) Friday, July 4 celebration Saturday, and AA sale Sunday! Now it's time for hw, laaates.

Golden Brown.

No guts; no glory. If you want the recognition, you have to be loud and proud.

This isn't the day for you to experiement with your social life or to try bold new projects -- you need to slow down! Your ability to handle small tasks is heightened, too. So polish off that paper work.

I find it scary that my horoscope describes myself, completely.

It's not Goodbye, It's See Ya Later!

Kevin Sy,

It's not real right? Your not really leaving. This is just a joke for all of us to laugh at later right? You'll be at the mall meeting up with us for Pinkberry and movies right? I can IM you tonight and you'll be saying things like 'i'm tired and come pick me up' right? This is just a joke.... right? I mean, what would it really be like if you left? That would never happen.... right?

For this past year, all I've thought is.. things need to get better. Life sucks. There's no where to go from here, shit. When I look back, I can't help but hate myself for thinking these things when I have who I need right here now. Kevin. It's not real that your gone. Today was so hard for me, but I HAD to get to your house. The traffic felt like hours for me trying to find the fastest way there. When I finally saw you guys, I was trembling and I couldn't focus. What the hell is happening. The second to last hug you gave me was a sigh of relief for me. Time was so limited! You weren't even gone yet and I was hiding tears behind my glasses. When your sister drove up, my breathing cut off. Breath breath breath Fiona. It's okay. I couldn't look at you hugging Yvonne. It was so hard watching you hug us for the last time. I couldn't look. I'm sorry for not saying bye the last time. I'm sorry for not chasing after your car. It was sooo hard, Kevin. I couldn't look. We all sat there for at least 10 minutes not knowing what to do. There was nothing that we could do but wish that we could have time all over again. It wasn't real. Things will patch up soon, you will never be forgotten. Ever. We all love you. Just remember, it's not goodbye, it's just see ya later.

4 Leafed Monster.

My day went by awfully fast today. Summer school was good, I'm learning to like Ms. Whats Her Face more and more! She makes me giggle cause she's so clumsy. I snort so much in class now from laughing, wtf! "fuimos a TACO BELL!" Hahaha.
Well, after school Yvonne, Bry, Donna, and I ate a little at this chinese resteraunt then we went to Ralphs to get cupcakes and red velvet cake. Mmmm. Donna's dad got us and took us to Verdugo Park. I confessed part of my heart out today. Though I'd have liked to more, that just.. wasn't possible. Well anyways, it felt pretty good. Stupid Pow made Donna, Sandra, and I to go hiking so we agreed. But we got stuck in the mountain for an hour sweating tears and with scratches on our legs. We were scared that something was going to pop out of the millions of holes up there, but thankfully nothing did. We finally realized that we were just climbing up the middle of nowhere and started freaking out. Called Yvonne and Hubby and they finally came looking for us. By the time we got down, I was freaking out because there were poison ivy spots all over my legs. FML. I got home and put some ointment on it, now its a lot better. Sorry KSY for leaving early.. I would have stayed but I would have died! Ha!
I'm awfully excited for tomorrow. And like I said, I'm also dreading it. Really doesn't seem real. But sometimes we just have to deal with what comes with it and stay strong even if the worst possible situation occurs. I know that Kevin is strong. He'll get through this. We all will.

Lies.

There's no need to trick myself. I know exactly how I feel and there is no way of denying it.

For the first day of summer school, today was good. I sit behind Saba and next to Bianca now, so I'll be having fun for the rest of class! Well, hopefully. There's a little bit of hw tonight, so I think I'll get started.

Tomorrow - Yeah
Thursday - Cue, Arcadia, deeeeeenar
Friday - Transformers
Booyah, hi summer.

I miss all my drill friends. Actually, I miss all my friends.

Well summer school starts tomorrow, and my little brother is finally in high schoo. Ohhhh great.

HELLO SUMMER!

Hi Bianca, I missed you yesterday.

Anywayssss! So to start off with Friday, Yvonne, Bianca, Donna, and I went to Yvonne's friend Justin's house. Kicked it, pictures and videos, and we took over his house and sang overplayed songs accompanied by Bianca's guitar skills. We were there for a while, then he dropped us off at the Americana. Met up with Marcelle and Saraw at Pinkberry, and lucky me got a free pomegranate medium. WOOHOO! Later on, we walked to Saraw's and melted in her 100 degree house. My mom picked up me and Saraw and then we went back to my house. Swam, ate leftover Panda, then went to bed.

ON TO SATURDAY-

Woke up at 8 to work on the Senior portraits which turned out mighty fine if you ask me! LOL. Welllll, then we got Mcdonalds breakfast and then got ready for the bonfire. I wasn't it a good mood cause it was drizzling outside. My mom dropped us off at school for our rides and she just stayed there cause she was planning for it to get canceled -__- Luckily, Yvonne's parents finally came and we were on our way! Yvonnes dad's car only had Cynthia, Yvonne, and I in it but it was so much fun. We stopped literally 4 times on our hour drive to ask for directions, but finallly we got to the beach. We had no idea where Tower 11 was so we just kept walking. Our group was soon found and we all just listened to music, and ate ate ate. I finally met Shayneezy and Rose and a whole lotta other people while at it. Swam in the ice cold water, and we walked to the pier. After that, we came back to the warm fire and ate marshmallows. All the single people were just chillen and spacing out includeing me, and the little couples old and new were all snuggled and warm :) 10 pm came and the cops made sure that no one else stayed. Got in the car, dropped by Mcdonalds, took everyone back to GHS, and called it a night. Such a good way to start the summer.

Age of Rebellion.

Today was the most pointless school day ever. Our last first period was full of tears and promises. The grief never stops, because we all love eachother so much. It hasn't even hit me that I'm leavin yet. Second period, we sat around and did nothing for two hours. Got out at 12:30 and met up with Ande, Saba, and Jakey. We went to BJ's and I was too hyper to be hungry. We fooled around with our food, embarrassed Sabs and B-RAD, then went around and the kids did their shit. Mini photoshoot, Pinkberry with the cutie, had some truth talking with Ande, and found out that Saba and B-RAD are official 6/17<3

Just a Note.

The last couple days of school feel exactly as they should. Like the first days of summer. I'm actually able to calm down and relax from all the stress and angst I've felt for the past well, year. Things have changed yet some things have come exactly back to where they were a year ago. I believe that things are ending off on a better note, yet I'm still unsatisfied. But then.. since when have I ever been satisfied?
I dealt with 2 friends crying and pouring their hearts out to me. Over completely different reasons, yet every friend that cries to you is the same as another. I never realized how important my friends are to me. Close, not so close. Next door, across the country. Either way, I've learned to accept people for who they are and not expect anything but the best from them.

So, fellow blog stalkers. I'm happy.

This morning was a morning bust to Ihop at 6:30 am. Then we got some Starbucks and got a ride back to school. The rest of the day was just a daze, just like the few days left of school will be. Woohoo bonfire on Saturday! Succcccessssssss.

Close Minded in an Open World.

To start off, the banquet was even better than I had ever imagined. It was full of camera whoring, loud laughs, gift exchanges, and more. The food was soooo incredible and I wanted to eat more even though I was bloated -.- I hate that feeling. It's like savoring every piece of food that goes in your mouth. Anyways! Awards and MVP's were given out. Of course I got the 'Francis Loves Me" award. Yippee -__-. Some of us prank called and had some nice talks. The banquet just made me realize how much I'm going to miss being a part of this family next year. It also made me realize how many things I've kept locked inside this whole year, and the things that need to be told, but never have been.

A few of the 111 pictures taken:

After the banquet, I went home and Lauren dropped by to bring some stuff for me. After she left, she called me and we had one of the most thoughtprovoking talks. She made me realize how much I have changed from my freshman year and how she's afraid that I'll change even more next year. Even though I'll be busy with school and everything, I am going to be missing out on so much next year. I always knew how different my thoughts were from my parents, but tonight I truly realized how much my dad doesn't understand me. Sadly, I don't think he ever will. He's just a close minded man in an open world.

Oh, and I'm starting a new project.

Save Your Breath.

It's time to be focused yet I find myself wandering off to the tv screen, food, computer, etc. No good -_- But I'm pretty confident on my spanish oral test tomorrow! I deserve a break, lol. Time is going by at the speed of light and that's the best way for things to be now. There's no need to deal with anything anoymore. Just live up the summer, liiiive it up.

I'm really excited for this:

and the banquet this Saturday! I'm pretty sure Lauren's dad is taking us to the beach that day even though it's pretty far. I feel bad asking my mom for rides nowadays. That's why I need to start getting my permit test pronto.

It Takes Time.

I wrote in my private livejournal because some things are meant to be kept to myself.
Finals are here, and I should be gone. So bye.
SUMMER SAVE ME.

Back to Where It All Began.

“ Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silence. Why do we feel it’s necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable? That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence"

I am extreamly fortunate to have so many people in my life who really love me. But some days I just feel so lonely.

To start off, must I say Revue was AMAZING. The adrenaline rush and the feeling of walking onto stage and all eyes on you. It's one experience that I can say that can never be replaced. The entire week of waking up at the break of dawn and yawning throughout every period was impressively worth it. I'd give anything to do it all over again. After the show, tears were EVERYWHERE and no one could hold it in. Later, I went to Denny's with Lauren's parents, sister, and sister's boyfriend and ate delicious breakfast food at 12 am. Yummy!
As of now, schools ending, and times gonna pass by at the blink of an eye.

The rest of the week I'll be focused and then summer comes. Oh boy, here comes the summer feeling all over again!

Nocturnal But Then..

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings—words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out."

Taste the Burn.

Well I wonder what its like to have it all.

Revue countdown: just 2.5 days, woah woah woah.

I need this.