I SUCK.

I'm horrible at this so called 'hating, being mad at you' game.
And I hate admitting what's really going on in my mind, because confessing them makes them that much more real.

On the bright side, shopping and Cue again on Thursday?
Practice and Winter Formal Saturday.
Fountain Valley Competition Sunday.
Busy busy me.

Rebel in the Making.

Two words: Amazing day.

5 minute Cue. Booked it back to the mall just in time to get picked up. Whew. Sigh of relief. Quick breath. Out.

Your Life Depends on the Remote Control.

I've been so bummed lately. Good things pass, and the bad things linger. I'm not sure how much I can really handle anymore because every good thing that happens to me soon resides while I'm stuck to deal with the tough ones. I swear I'm bipolar too.I completely forgot when the last time I posted was, but nothing much has changed. I feel myself slacking off from school, after doing pretty well. I feel my friends drifting after being as tight as a rubber band. I want to get out. Leave. Do SOMETHING.

Glendale Regional was fun. There were a lot more people than I expected. Sat around looking for cuties most of the time. Highlights of the day: playing on the field, working at the shirley temple booth, and ripping balloons after.

There was also this really cute guy from Diamond Bar who was drop dead gorgeous. But he was gay. What a waste.

Well goodnight.

High Hopes.

People have been getting on my nerves lately. And manners are not being used as much as they should. Maybe I'm expecting too much from others and not enough from myself.

I'm in the top 10% of my class. Goal is to be in the top 4.
I'm taking all AP classes next year plus ASB and photography/journalism.

Whoop dee doo.

Friday the 13th and Valentine's Day.

Happy Belated Valentines Day.

Friday the 13th was spent at school, trying on outfits for the next day and such. None of us thought we were ready. But the no hope soon turned out into new belief, or at least some of it I guess. That night Wes, Ken, Allison, and Joon waited for me and at 11 we went to 'Yogurtland', more like Enchanted Forest. They guys tried to scare us so many times but we ended up bumping into some hilarious Armenian guys from Burbank. It was really cold so we left and went to 7-11 to get energy drinks and coffee then we went to Brand Park, stopped there and talked and played games. I was pretty much out of it the entire time, had a lot on my mind. After that we went to some scary hill by the Dodger Stadium and just drove around being scared shitless. By the time I got home, it was 5 hours past Valentine's Day. Got home, slept for less than an hour and went to school at around 6ish and went to competition in Irvine. My stomach was killing me the entire day and it turned out to be the stomach flu. Fuck. Not a successful day either. Fuck the Valentine's Day Curse.

Other than that, nothing to do on this hazy gray Sunday afternoon but watch tv and do homework. Later tonight I'm probably gonna go out to dinner with family friends.

XOXO

What's Waiting For Me.

Things are so tough lately, and all I can do is look up and smile and pretend that everythings alright. Not even the closest of my closest know what I'm REALLY going through so it'll just have to wait for now.

While everyone's out with the boyfriends, girlfriends, lovers, friends w/ benefits, whatever. I'm at home watching the news with my daddio. Tomorrows our first regional. Crossing my fingers.

FUCK.

Bi- the way.

I swear its better to not find out things.

My bipolarness is killing me. One minute I'm happy at the world, and the next moment I can't stop saying fuck you. Would my mind make up its mind already?

Things are shifting a little towards the way they were a year ago. Drats.

Sushi and starbucks = <3

Things Have Changed.

It's amazing how things can change right before your eyes. I guess there's always a reason to it, but damn. So I'm on "Jarsity", haha and I'm satisfied w/ the whole routine and the people in it. All I can do is keep my head up and know that everythings for the best. I'm gonna miss my girls though. Had so many laughs today. Too bad I was sick and butt tired from last night!

Yesterday Ken calls me up at 9 and tells me to go see him and his friends just for a little. They ended up watching Princess Diaries or whatever other silly stuff, and baked brownies (which never ended up getting to me). They came at 11 and REBELLIOUS me had to go through the back in the rain with pink furry slippers on. Wes, Jonathan, and Ken were in the car and we just sat in there and talked. The original 5 minutes turned into 5 hours. Talked about relationships, tips, played the I've Never Game, ghost stories, love stories, pictures on the window, and yadeeeeyadeeeyaaa. Haha, amazing.

Happy Birthday to Felix. He's 14 now. Hahaaa no matter how mad I get, I guess I'll still always love you little brother. I hope you don't read this ugly bastard.

Red Gumdrops.

Been living off a dose of 3 packs of coughdrops on a daily basis, and unfortunately I'm still coughing like a horse. My moms making some herbal drink that supposedly will help but knowing my mom, nothing will change -__- Got my AP Euro grade today and considering that I literally only knew 2 problems on a test of about 100, I got a C. Pat on the back for me. This averages my grade out to a B which ='s an A! Yipeeeeee.

Rest of the week:
Tomorrow- Nothing.
Thursday- Shopping, V-Day dance.
Friday- Practice.
Saturday- Claremont competition.
Sunday- Piano, hw, sleep.

I need to bring my camera around more often. But lazy me, they'll never get uploaded.

Bah Humbug.

I never was a holiday person, nor do I think I ever will be. The bigger part of holiday season has passed and now its on to the not so popular dates: Valentines Day, St. Patricks Day, and a bunch of extreme bull mashed up into one little day. Again this year I'll probably be dressed up in grey/black on the fourteenth, only cause its fun to get faces from people that think I'm overly depressed on the day of 'love'. HA, my ass.
Practice was fun today, 'stretching', 'headstands', and talking about how we are somewhat connected to famous people. Marques Houston, Alexa Vega, Jabbowockeez, Hilary Duff, etc. I love all girl talks. It always makes me all giggly and happy dappy :D

1. Eesh, I'm always wondering how you are. Miserable, without me I hope =/

Superbowl Sunday.

I'm extremely congested and my coughings getting worse by each semi-breath I take in. All I smell/taste is the bitter taste of sick. Bianca said it might be asthma, and I'm hoping its not. Exhausteeeed and I'm not sure what I want to do right now, but I should really be starting on AP Euro. Report cards are home this coming week and I'm pretty antsy about the results. WestCo was yesterday and it didn't end up like I expected. But hopefully I'll get another chance at Claremont next week. Another lazy day today. Finished a whole book called Living Dead Girl about this girl that gets sexually abused. Depressing.

Rest of the day:
1. Finish making my skirt.
2. AP Euro
3. Cleancleanclean

I can't believe it's February already. I looked at the Myspace dates and it said 1/2/09 and it took a few minutes before it hit me that today's the first day of a new month. By golly jee. Valentines Day in 13 days. Great.

XOXO