See Ya Later Oh Ate

My phone is officially dead o_O so I guess my only choice is to use this tiny old one, sigh.

9 resolutions for '09!
Doubt they'll be successful, but worth the try.

o9. Be more satisfied with what I have instead of what I want
o8. Live more in the moment
07. Don't cut my hair >:)
o6. Get better grades, way better.
o5. Be more considerate towards others
o4. Spend less time worrying about materialistic objects
03. Think before I act. Think hard.
o2. More family time, more best friends time
o1. Don't relive o8, well, parts of it :)

I'm exciiiiiiiited. New Start, I'm ready!

And just one thing,

I've always noticed,

is that I always get over it.

Sickwidit.

The night before yesterday was miserable. I woke up around 3 in the morning sweating cold sweat, and rolling around feeling like a hot potato and an ice cube at the same time. I didn't know what was going on, so I just rolled to the side. After a few milliseconds of laying there, I felt like I was gonna throw up so I walked to the bathroom and that was #1. Every hour or so, I would get up, throw up, my mom would bring me water every time, and go back to sleep. That happened over and over for approx. 6 times. Fuck. No clue why I'm sick with the flu!
So yesterday was wounded around drinking tea, Gatorade, eating half a piece of bread as my meal for the day, watching movies, and taking naps. I feel a lot better today, I just want to get up and be productive.

I wanna see Benjamen Button really really bad! Heard it was good, but long. But still good.

Adios

2 days!

It's almost '09! What a relief.
2008 was absolutely.. full of it. Ups, downs, new friends, old friends, lessons learned, tears, laughs, fights, spills. I really don't know how 2009 is going to replace it, but everything was a lesson learned! Through all the boys, all the drama, all the disappointment, somehow I'm discouraged that this upcoming year can beat it. So many firsts and lasts. It's kind of bittersweet but I'm almost positive I am ready to move on.

Just a few pictures to laugh about:

Fab 4 days, haha when matching was cool.

Sessions -___- Mall -___- haaah

Hide and Seek in the dark!

Asb 4th period. Library Boy, secret adventures, Student store! Deee Bomb.

Winter Formal
Cue w/ my best friend! First timers.
LOLOL Freak Nasties, ROFL
When being hideous was the new thing to do, lol.
Venier's Class 5th Period! BEST BEST BEST
ASB Beach trips + Wildfire<3Summer Bonding Days.
Drill team bitch days. I meant beach.Lotus Festival and my goddamn summer glow.
Apple Store
Trip to Hong Kong.
One of the first performances.
Football games, food food food
Photoshoots
Pho!

Halloween parties in Spanish

Homecoming, 08.
Thanksgiving Banquet, Boom Chicka Boom Boom
Prelude

Variety Show!

Vegas :)

Missing a whole lot, I'm too lazy to look for the rest.
Take a look up there, look at how much everyones grown and where we are now. Who knows where we're gonna be in just one year. Pretty soon, 09 will be over and we'll be moving on to a new second place digit. Can't believe it's really over, the end. I'll miss you!

if your a bird i'm a bird

Felix is watching The Notebook downstairs by himself like a faggot, haha.

Today was soooo fun. Got to Saba's house and we exchanged gifts. Got a shirt from Urban and a cute card from Saba, and booty shirts, HelloKitty bandaids. and a cute card from Ande. We watched The Wedding Date and The Devil Wears Prada, haha. And ate a bunch of delicious Persian food. Sabas little cousin came over and he's so cute. I missed these girls so much.

I hate that I want so much but I never do anything about it.

I'm lazy. Shower. Movie. Food. Sleep.

back and forth

to tell ya the truth, it started out nice.
but now i don't know where we're headed
up, down, all around
to tell ya the truth i dream about you every now and then
but those dreams i always regret

seems like all we do is go back and forth
our late night outings and
seeing you out of nowhere
please i'm not some antagonist
i'm just young
and definetily not ready for this mumbo jumbo they call love

our stories all the same
we meet
talk
stop, everything stops
then we meet
talk
and stop again
really, when's this gonna end?

i tell myself to push you away
because thats whats best for me
but what is it with you that keeps on coming back
no. not your smile. your voice. your smell.
no

i just wish that one day we'll look back and be happy with what we had
because i'm still not satisfied
with this back and forth game
we call love
not mumbo jumbo anymore
just love

sigh sigh sigh

Morning after Christmas.
All I've been listening to is Norah Jones, sooooothes my soul hahaha lame.

Yesterday was just whatever. I really hate holidays, cried twice, family dinner. Had a talk with my little brother before bed. It was nice. We've both grown so much and it must be hard for my parents especially. But I'd just wish they'd understand. Things would be just a whole lot easier for everyone. Maybe I'm the one that needs to understand, who knows.


I think it's really time to give up. Like completely put everything behind me. There's no point in keeping this hope when there's a part of you that knows its never going to happen again, but yet another part of you that yearns to never give up? To feel the same way, to smile the same way, but things just can't always happen. Wish I could just see what you'd have to say. Maybe I'm still to young and maybe I'll never learn. I just want to be with you.

Today: - Get as much hw done as I can
- Shopping w/ cousin for late gifts
- Family friends come over for dinner

Tomorrow" - Andrea and Saba day, I miss them so much

Ciao

Wrap Up

Merry Christmas!

To start off, Vegas was great. A little bit of hesitation here and there but overall it was totally worth it. I was really dreading to go home cause I what I had to go to back home was just not that great. Some pictures are up but most of em are on my Myspace included with most of the stories but there are so much more. Went insane Christmas shopping over there, for others and myself. Got cute friendship bracelets for Bianca and I, and got my mom a cute bracelet too.

Yesterday was Christmas Eve and I spent it in Torrance. I saw Twilight with Michelle and my cousin. Not a big disappointment as I had thought, but it wasn't great either. Though I did get shivers at some parts it was just whatever. Bout time I saw it though! Had a yummy dinner and watched part of Wall-E (Boring!), John Tucker Must Die, and I forgot the others.

Todays Christmas. I was never a big fan of Christmas, usually its just a get together at night for dinner. That's all. I got Jacob a nice jacket from Urban, paid for Bianca's jacket from Volcom, got Ande a ____ (cause I know she's probably looking at this), and a bunch of other stuff. I was actually feeling generous this year and got my brother a nice flannel. Haven't met up with people yet so there hasn't been much time to exchange or anything, but I'm planning on seeing Saba and Andrea this weekend for a get together. I have a busy 2 weeks ahead of me! plus a bunch more gifts to make/buy.

I'm tired and sick of everything and its holiday season.

rain rain go away

Today overall consisted of : sniffles, cold fingers, cold neck, cold nose, cold everything!, failure, stress, nausea, frustration, mac and cheese crackers w/ honey comb cereal, more cold, rain rain rain, wet moccasins, cheer room w/ ande. What a failure of a day. I need to hit the books.

Toodle-0o0o0o0o!

Pleasure vs. Priority

I've been given everything I've ever wanted. I've never had to worry about food, money, clothes. I have a loving family and I'm supported by 2 loving parents and amazing friends. Everying I need is bought for me left to right and I have a warm home to come to everynight. Then why can't I live up to that? Why am I given everything and I can't make my parents happy? For my parents to be proud of me and for ME to be happy of myself. That's all I want.

:(

I wish dreams came true.

NOW WE BREAK IT ALL DOWN

I. To start off, tonight was the second night of the Variety Show. One word: amazing. The crowd was great, and everything turned out just fine. Whewwww. Bianca and Martin are gonna hate me for repeating this again, but congratulations to our new CIT's :) Blow those whistles, they know what I mean. Pictures up sooner or later.

II. Stress has hit me. And its not even the beginning, or is it the end? I'm not even sure. My parents need to know that I'm still young and I should be out there having fun. Home isn't home anymore, it's just a lonely place to be. I told myself in the beginning of this year that even through all the "sophmore year is the worst year ever" I'd still do my absolute best in everything. I feel like I've failed myself.

III. I don't know where I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what is good for me. I can't focus. I can't think. I can't say the words can't. Holiday spirit please come fast. Is this really how rock bottom feels?

I'm tired. I need sleep. Goodnight

Mother Bear (Happy Birthday)

Today was a day full of ups and downs. Movin' up and fallin' downs.

I. But first things first! Happy Birthday Mom<3>

Never say never

so I'll say rarely.
I rarely ever break down because of stress but I just did. I told myself that I'd keep going and not give up, but at this point. I'm going nuts. I really need the extra time to not just focus on dance and friends, but on school. I don't fuckin believe that I have the grades I'm having. I mean, comeon, really? Not realistic. I need to pick up my feet fast.

On a happier note, Prelude was dope. Happy for the boys no matter what. Opened my eyes a bunch, mostly that I should've brought my bigger lens -_-

Hw time.

Intimidating

Had a nice little chat w/ Janelle PoorassHO today about what we thought about eachother. And quote her "I thought you were really intimidating and mean. So I didn't really want to get to know you cause you look like you'd talk a lot of shit" And Ms. Bianca butts in and goes "YEAH, you look like the type of girl that goes 'I'm da sh1111t.'" Wooooow, who woulda thought? I always thought that I looked innocent hahah but I guess not. Maybe cause I'm asian. Justkidding. Its not like I can smile at everyone that passes by me right? Who knows maybe I should start! Well, just a thought.

Prelude is tomorrow! My mom was bitching at me in the car even when Bianca was in there, and she was like 'TALK TO YOUR FATHER.' Stop being so uptight about everything. But 3 days til her birthday, so I'll be a good girl and not argue so much. For some reason, I just hate this time of year. The Christmas feeling gives me shivers. Good & Bad all bundled up together.

I'm learning The River Flows in You by Yiruma aka Bella's Lullaby. I have a great big feeling in the lump of my throat that its going to get played out but oh well. At least I'd have an accomplishment of finishing a song on my own. Plus a video dedicated to Jann, my soulmate. Ohhh, I want a souldmate =/ But noooooobody for Fiona.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same"

take a deep breath

and cross your fingers this'll be the new start.

I believe its time for another new beginning, new chapter, whatever you'd like to call it. It's sorta a drag just hanging on to the bits and pieces of things that happened, well what seemed like years ago. I mean its not like I don't miss the past, but I can't just tap my feet together and wish. Unfortunately things don't work that way so all I can do is move on. Let go of that unneeded baggage and start off on my way.

Cheers to .. well, restarting.